Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
