I wish I only lived at night.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
