Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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