Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
