420 ftw
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Operation Purity has been aborted
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
