quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
