Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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