I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
