I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
