I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
