Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
