I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
