Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
