I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He shit in the fireplace
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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