What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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