I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
