Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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