Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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