my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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