can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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