Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
