3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
