I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
