i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
