I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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