I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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