So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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