Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
