Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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