Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
