Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
