Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
