Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
