dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wear drunk well.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
