I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
