If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
