do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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