I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
