where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He shit in the fireplace
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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