she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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