I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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