YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
