Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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