Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
