yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
