We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
