I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
