Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
