The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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