i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
