That's intense
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
