I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We have so much sex to catch up on
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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