ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
