I think my vagina is haunted
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
